ScurvyBastard.com

Got up this morning, grabbed my favorite caffeinated beverage and sat down to look over the news.  For the first time in a long time there was absolutely nothing to piss me off on CNN.com.  No stories of ‘big girls’ getting quirky because KFC made them go to McDonalds.  No people generally behaving like crackerheads … hell, the French didn’t even do anything stupid.

Boy, I sure hope this was a one time thing.  How am I supposed to get my blood flowing in the morning.  The caffeine is only half the story, I got to have my bad news too.  Something to get my dander up, something to make me sit and shake my head and think “damn, I am glad I have never been THAT stupid”.

I am getting a little aged now, so maybe I need to learn a bit about relaxing and not letting things get me cranked up.  Gee Gods, next thing you know, I might actually be listening to my Bob (see previous post about that annoying little bit of conscience that keeps tapping at the back of my brain).

Wait, did I work boobies into this post anywhere?  Looks like I didn’t.  Boobies to y’all!

I recently had an occasion to revisit the location of one of my recent embarrassments.  The location was the Tilted Kilt.  The occasion happened to be the birthday of my rather dubious acquaintance Bob.

The servers were still numerous and and there still was not likely one much over the age of 21 however there were few as substantially endowed as on my last visit.  There were a few wee lassies that really had to work hard to get any pop out of their pushups.  I almost wanted to leave all of my money as a tip so that they could afford the appropriate enhancement operations.

There were still one or two moderately endowed lasses and at one point one of them was moving so fast from the kitchen to the front door that her endowments were literally quivering as she moved through space.  I had to watch intently to make sure said endowments did not escape from their confinement as they were threatening to do.  I, being a gallant individual, was fully prepared to run over and lend assistance should such a thing actually occur.  I would have lent my jacket whilst the young lady composed her self.

I do believe I am starting to build up an immunity so there should be no further embarrassment in the future.  I may still need periodic exposure just to make sure.  Should this happen I will keep everyone informed.

My sister took me to lunch today at a place called The Tilted Kilt which bills itself as the best looking sports pub you have ever seen.  I am still blushing from the experience and as you all might have guessed, Scurvy Bastard likes boobies.

There were about a dozen girls running around acting like servers.  Not one of them could have been over 21.  All of them showing as much cleavage as possible and wearing plaid mini-skirts that would have shown all of their goody bits if they bent wrong.

I have never had the pleasure of dining at a Hooters Restaurant so I had no idea how hard it would be to give the server my order.   Imagine a rather young, very amply endowed lass standing no more than a few feet away waiting to take your order.  I tried to look at her but no matter what I did I was unable to look at her face and I suspected it would be rather rude to stare deeply into her cleavage.

I suspect I am going to have to visit this restaurant many more times just to acclimate myself to all of the boobage.  I really do not think this is a place where I would want to take my wife for lunch – because of all of the TV’s showing sporting events – yeah that is my story and I am sticking to it!

Yes gentle reader this may be a great surprise for you but for once I have nothing to gripe and moan about!

Life is good, school went well, my dog loves me and so does my wife…kind of.  Now if only she would get me t-shirts from ThinkGeek.  Apparently she felt I was kidding her when she asked me what I wanted and I gave her a list of specific shirts not one Christmas but 2 in a row.  She decided to not get me any since she has never seen me wear a t-shirt.  Why then would I put it on my list two years in a row?

Oh wait, did that just sound like a gripe?  Maybe it was!  So grab yer boobies and get over it already!

As has been pointed out in some comments, I have not been mentioning boobies nearly enough.  Of course this was pointed out by my slightly dubious acquaintance Bob so take it with a grain of salt.

I shall from here on out end all of my posts with “How does that grab your boobies?”.  Ok, so admittedly it is not quite as catch as Walter Cronkite’s tag line of “And that’s the way it is.” but not all of us strive to live up to Mr. Cronkite’s example.

How does that grab your boobies?

Just in case anyone should be chomping at the bit for the election results, I have received an email from Joel Miller, Linn Co. Auditor, assuring me that the full results will be posted around the 20th of November. Apparently his staff is too busy doing all of the mandated stuff in regards to the federal elections.

Personally I think he is scared to show how vulnerable he was in this election and that many others felt there were better candidates, or maybe he got a pair of BOOOOBIES to play with and that is keeping him pretty well occupied. I know it would keep me occupied.

I have started watching season 4 and it appears to have picked up right where it left off.  I think this was a show that had maybe 2 good seasons in the bag, after that it became all disjointed.  They have too many stories trickling through and they drop one story for awhile and go with a bunch of non-related episodes eventually popping back to the main story (which is supposed to be ‘why does Melinda have the power to talk to the dead’).  I think it is about time to let this program go, no matter what the ratings say about getting 9.75 million viewers each week.

…oh and by the way, just in case you ain’t noticed, Jennifer Love Hewitt gots BOOOOBIES!

From time to time it has been said that I have a slightly tilted sense of humor.  I usually have beaten up the people that said this nasty stuff about me but after the 14th or 22nd time of hearing this, I decided to just go with it.  If you can’t beat them (which is apparently against the law) then join them!