ScurvyBastard.com

Ok, so after one day off, CNN is back with a story that renews my faith in the stupidity of the young.  The story involves a high school junior and her mother that are trying to get a school to stop handing out yearbooks because the daughter apparently decided she did not want panty lines to show so she went to school commando one day.  This just happened to be a day when she had to have a photo taken with some club she was in.  Now she is apparently paying the price since she is claiming that her goody bits can be seen.  Check out the story here.

I wonder if this girl has ever heard of a thong, or maybe she should not be wearing clothing so tight her underwear would cause her such embarrassment.  Was she even wearing a bra?  Those cause lines also.  Maybe she didn’t mind her boobs poking out.

Add this to crap like all the kids that think it is cool to take naked pictures and email them to each other.  I am really beginning to worry.  I am getting old, and these are the kids that someday may be in charge of the government that I am getting my social security check from.

Got up this morning, grabbed my favorite caffeinated beverage and sat down to look over the news.  For the first time in a long time there was absolutely nothing to piss me off on CNN.com.  No stories of ‘big girls’ getting quirky because KFC made them go to McDonalds.  No people generally behaving like crackerheads … hell, the French didn’t even do anything stupid.

Boy, I sure hope this was a one time thing.  How am I supposed to get my blood flowing in the morning.  The caffeine is only half the story, I got to have my bad news too.  Something to get my dander up, something to make me sit and shake my head and think “damn, I am glad I have never been THAT stupid”.

I am getting a little aged now, so maybe I need to learn a bit about relaxing and not letting things get me cranked up.  Gee Gods, next thing you know, I might actually be listening to my Bob (see previous post about that annoying little bit of conscience that keeps tapping at the back of my brain).

Wait, did I work boobies into this post anywhere?  Looks like I didn’t.  Boobies to y’all!

Someone must have and the shit started oozing out.  Just read a CNN start titled “Cheney ramps up attacks on both sides of the aisle”.  Not only is he making himself look like an idiot in regards to the Democrats and Colin Powell but his own party.

Since Cheney basically spent eight years running the country (c’mon now, we all known W wasn’t that smart), just maybe Dick should take a cue from W and remain pretty much mum on the state of everything.

“While he certainly has a right to defend what they did over the last eight years, since he was the architect of much of it …” says Ed Rollins, a GOP strategist.  This kind of indicates that even people a little deeper in the party seem to think Cheney ran the country.

I would think that when one is part of arguably the worst administration in the history of the United States, then one should maybe crawl under one’s rock and just be quiet for a decade or two until the shit storm blows over.

CNN has a story about the Oprah/KFC coupon flap that we have been hearing about.  I am not sure what KFC was expecting when this offered was cooked up.  Did they think that Oprah only had a couple of hundred fans or what?

Any how, in the article you will note a quote from a girl named Shannon Edwards that has to be the singularly most stupid thing I have heard this year.  She says “I’m a big girl, I like to eat. So I’m kind of disappointed I have to go to McDonalds now.”  I have a suggestion, how about you haul your “big girl” ass home and eat a decent meal.  Just because you can’t get your freebie at KFC that is no reason to go to McDonalds.  Maybe a lot of us would not be ‘big girls’ or ‘big boys’ (and we know those terms mean fat) if we gave up the sugared drinks and the grease soaked food.

Sure McDonald’s offers salads and stuff, but even salads do no good when smothered in three packets of creamy ranch dressing. 

We are fat, and getting more so by the generation.  Maybe limiting oneself to McDonald’s once a year is not a bad thing.  Maybe if we took time to eat something healthy at home, and in reasonable portions, this would stop.  Yes, I am fat and as soon as I wean myself from Mountain Dew and Coke, I suspect even I might lose a few pounds.

Blaming KFC for making you go to McDonalds?  That is just flippin’ stupid.

The Scurvy one now has his first follower on Twitter.  Boy am I excited!

Yes, you guessed it…the scurvybastard is on Twitter.  Feel free to follow.

Scurvy Bastard at Twitter

A month or so ago I mentioned a new epidemic that was about to break on the world.  Fortunately this did not happen.  Instead we are now saddled with the swine flu thing.  According to the CDC we now have 160 cases confirmed as of May 2, 2009.

I am just wondering how many cases we need before this becomes an epi-pandemic!

Of course if you are a a Jew then the swine flu doesn’t really exist.  It is that pesky Mexican flu.  Boy, will they ever have their boobies blown off when this turns into a real Aporkalypse!

Most of us have this niggling little voice in the back of our heads that tells us that what we are doing is right or wrong.  Many of us have developed the ability to ignore this voice.  I cannot ignore my little voice because it is ever present, nagging worse than any wife.

I call it Bob!

Every time I turned around Bob is trying to convince me that I need to do something other than what I know will make me happy.  After all, who wouldn’t be happy sitting around and doing as little as possible.

I am fat, old, and bald…and getting more so by the second.  I don’t want to get smarter, I don’t want to learn something new, I don’t want to try and teach the clueless.  I want to be a slug, sitting on my fat ASCII and slurping down the Coca-Cola all day.  I want to watch my stories, not read a textbook or write a damn paper.

What if the time comes and Bob is no longer nagging and dogging me?  Will I truly be happy?

I was recently reading a news article on the fairly recent discovery of a new disease.  Researchers are calling this disease goatiform encephalitis.  The primary vehicle for this disease to spread is apparently having sex with goats.  I am not fully certain as to what this disease does but it appears to have a rotting effect on the human brain.  It is being rumored that this disease could become nearly as devastating as AIDS once was.

The news article further speculated that goatiform encephalitis was responsible for Osama Bin Laden’s medical complications.  It appears to cause drastic weight loss and causes the victim to have a reduced amount of oxyhemoglobinwhich results in a deathly pallor.  I certainly hope that researchers get on top of this disease much faster than they did with HIV/AIDS and thus stand a better chance of finding a cure.

I recently had an occasion to revisit the location of one of my recent embarrassments.  The location was the Tilted Kilt.  The occasion happened to be the birthday of my rather dubious acquaintance Bob.

The servers were still numerous and and there still was not likely one much over the age of 21 however there were few as substantially endowed as on my last visit.  There were a few wee lassies that really had to work hard to get any pop out of their pushups.  I almost wanted to leave all of my money as a tip so that they could afford the appropriate enhancement operations.

There were still one or two moderately endowed lasses and at one point one of them was moving so fast from the kitchen to the front door that her endowments were literally quivering as she moved through space.  I had to watch intently to make sure said endowments did not escape from their confinement as they were threatening to do.  I, being a gallant individual, was fully prepared to run over and lend assistance should such a thing actually occur.  I would have lent my jacket whilst the young lady composed her self.

I do believe I am starting to build up an immunity so there should be no further embarrassment in the future.  I may still need periodic exposure just to make sure.  Should this happen I will keep everyone informed.